Adoption Story --- Part 7

In case you missed anything:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
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Matt called our caseworker – he yelled at him. I talked to the caseworker – this is where I lost total respect for him – he told me that this baby was going to break us. He said we didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into….. Uh yeah we did! What is the difference between this and if I would have delivered Micayla? – she was ours!! Why didn’t people get this? WE WANTED HER NO MATTER WHAT!!!

We then talked to Susan’s caseworker. She told us that we had to put it in writing and sign that we were taking full financial responsibility for Micayla’s care and that we knew that she might die. We went home, wrote, signed and called our insurance company to get proof that they would put her on our insurance. We went to the agency and presented it to both caseworkers. This is when we found out that Susan had wanted to sign the papers on Wednesday but our caseworker wouldn’t let her because he didn’t know if we could afford Micayla….. I am sure to some that might seem reasonable but to us it was crazy!!! Because Micayla’s outcome was so unknown – Susan’s caseworker had us work out a visitation plan for Susan and her mom.

On Friday morning, Susan was allowed to sign the papers. After she left the Agency they called us and we went in to sign papers and pay the remainder of our fee. Because of the medical bills the agency director substantially lowered the fee that we had to pay.

Friday afternoon – placement papers in had, we went to the hospital. It had been 48 hours since we had seen Micayla or heard anything about how she was doing or what they were planning. First we had to talk to the social worker and then we finally got to go and see our sweet beautiful baby girl. We were officially her parents.

When we got to Micayla’s bedside we asked to speak with the doctor. We wanted details, details, details. Since it had been 2 days since we had seen her or heard anything we wanted to know what they had been doing and what they were planning on doing. One of the Residents came and talked to us. She told us that they had completed the necessary tests that day and that she would be having open heart surgery on Monday. Oh my gosh! Can you imagine? Open heart surgery on a 9 day old baby.

That night our parents came again to see Micayla. My mom and I were at her side when she stopped breathing. They had to keep waking her up to get her to breathe. When they had done the MRI earlier that day they had to intubate her and sedate her. She was just having a hard time breathing on her own after that. They intubated her again that night. I was afraid to see her with the tube down her throat. Matt went and saw her first so he could prepare for what was going on. It actually didn’t look to bad – not like how they make it look on TV, plus tiny mouth = tiny tube.

Saturday we spent all day with her. I got to change her diapers and sing to her. They had to give her a medication to keep her “PDA” open. The PDA is the part of the heart that bypasses the lungs when the baby is in the womb then it closes soon after the baby is born. Her’s needed to stay open to help her blood flow and have oxygen. The medication they told us makes you feel achy all over – they likened it to the feeling of a sunburn and how it hurts to have anything rub against the skin. It was so hard to not rub her soft skin. She was still intubated and they planned on keeping her that way until sometime after heart surgery, her body needed the rest.

Saturday we met with the Cardiologist. He explained in pretty good detail the defects in her heart. She had an ASD (hole between the two atriums), a VSD (hole between the two ventricles), her aorta (the main vessel that transports blood to the lower half of the body) was interrupted (basically not attached at a point up near her neck), the Aorta came out of her heart and went right instead of left, and they needed to close the PDA. He told us her chance of survival was 60-80% --those are good odds right? But not when you consider that there is a 20-40% chance of death.

Sunday we had several family members and friends visit. Matt and I took turns escorting them back to meet our sweet girl. It was an emotional day, how do you prepare for what is coming? Matt and talked a few weeks later about the fact that we were both in our minds planning her funeral – we didn’t talk about out loud.

We met with the Cardio-Thoracic Surgeon - he was the actual doc doing the surgery. He was very serious - which is good. He spoke quietly. We were very impressed with him. Come to find out later that he like the HEAD of the department -- the best of the best!!

My dad brought their trailer down and parked it in an area of the parking lot set aside for RV’s. This became my home away from home for a while.

Sunday night the nurses and respiratory therapist decided that I should get to hold Micayla before her surgery. This was a daunting task for them. It took them about 45 minutes to get her ready and the whole time I held her the RT was right there just in case there was a problem. We later found out that they had done this because none of the nurses thought she was going to live. They wanted me to be able to hold her before she died.

We kissed her goodnight and went home knowing that we would be back early in the morning to see her off to surgery.

To be continued....................

Adoption Story --- Part 6

In case you missed anything:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
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They only allowed us to stay for about 20 minutes. There were a couple of doctors and nurses working on her. They were getting her settled, doing lab work and monitoring her breathing. This was very overwhelming.

Before we left the hospital we planned what time to meet there again on Tuesday morning. Everything was so up in the air and we wanted to be there to hear what the plan would be for Micayla’s care. We gave Susan our home and both cell phone numbers because even though she had made sure to give the hospital permission to talk to us about Micayla although if they had any questions or needed approval for anything they would have to call her. This was hard for her. She wanted us to Micayla’s parents but until a few things were ironed out the Agency would not allow her to relinquish her rights.

We got home at about midnight. We were met at home by our parents. We filled them in as best we could. Then there was another sleepless night. No phone calls.

The next morning we met Susan and her mom at about 10am at Primary Children’s. My mom came with us. That was a long day. We had to meet with a social worker so that we could try to work out the situational details. We traded off spending time with Micayla and Susan at the bedside. We waited for someone to tell us more…. With all the tests and such that they were doing there was really nothing they could tell us.

Susan was tired. It was hard to put ourselves in her shoes. She had given birth to a sweet little baby that she wanted us to raise. There were issues involving the agency that at this point we were not even aware of. Susan wanted to go home to take care of her boys, for some reason at this point I didn’t even see that --- I am sure we were selfish, we wanted to be with our baby.

That evening her family came to visit the hospital. This was hard for them too. I know they were there to support her but they didn’t want to get attached to Micayla. We spent a lot of time with her family. We talked, they talked. This was definitely an open adoption. Matt’s parents and my dad also came that night. Again we got permission to break the rules a little bit, Matt and his dad gave Micayla a blessing.

On Wednesday morning we met again. This time Susan’s dad and sister came with her. We spent time with Micayla and we also met at length with someone from genetics. They talked to us in depth about VCFS it was at this time that we found out that in addition to VCFS Susan’s son had another disorder that was more of the cause of his major disabilities. They had checked Micayla’s brain and found no evidence of the other disorder. Is it bad for me to say that that was a relief?

Then early in the afternoon Susan’s caseworker came. She basically laid it out for us – Susan was tired she needed to go home. She was signing the relinquishment papers that afternoon.

We went home. Somewhere along the way something got lost in translation, no one from the Agency called us. We thought everything was done. So on Thursday morning Matt and I went to the hospital. We were not allowed in the NICU the case worker came out and told us that Susan hadn’t signed the papers. She told us that she couldn't tell us anything other than we needed to talk to our caseworker. We had to leave the hospital – all we knew that day was that Micayla was still alive.

To be continued.........................................

Adoption Story --- Part 5

In case you missed anything:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
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As you can imagine the next few days were full of excitement and anxiety. We did our best to busy ourselves and try and rest up before the baby came home. Thanksgiving was full of well wishes from family members. Although I have one person in my family, when I was talking to her about the baby and the possible health issues she asked, “If she is sick are you obligated to keep her?” What the HELL? I wanted to say, “You kept your kids didn’t you.” We were sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was ours.

Saturday November 30, 2002 was one the longest days ever. Matt had to work. I spent the day cleaning and making sure all of the laundry was caught up, I didn’t dare leave my house. At just before 7pm the phone rang. It was our caseworker. Micayla was born at 6:19 pm. She was 6 lbs 4 oz and 19 inches long. Everything went well and she appeared to be healthy. Yeah!!! Micayla was here and in just a couple of days we would have her home with us!

Sunday was an exciting day to go to church. We were able to tell our friends about the baby and share our excitement. Matt and I both bore our Testimonies in Sacrament Meeting. After church we went home for dinner and starting watching a couple of movies we had rented. Then the phone call came. It was our caseworker. He told us that the baby had been moved to the ICU. She was having a problem swallowing, she couldn’t keep anything down. He also said that she had a heart murmur. He told us not to plan on bringing her home on Tuesday. He promised that they would keep us posted on what was going on. I fell apart. We went to Matt’s parent’s house. His sister and her husband were there. We knelt together in their living room and Matt’s dad offered a family prayer on Micayla’s behalf. It was a sleepless night.

The next day was Matt’s last shift at work before he would have almost 3 weeks off, planning to be home with the baby. I stayed close to the phone expecting a phone call at anytime, praying for the best. At 5 pm Susan’s case worker called me. She told that Micayla’s condition was very serious. She had major heart problems. She was going to be transferred to Primary Children’s Medical Center at 7 pm. The doctor at LDS hospital wanted to talk to us before they transferred her. Robin told me to get to LDS hospital with Matt as soon as possible. Matt got permission to leave work and we got there at about 6 pm. When we walked in Robin told us that they had already flown her. She told us that Susan wanted us to come up to her room, she was about to be discharged and she wanted us to go with her to Primary Children’s to see Micayla. On the way up in the elevator Robin told us that this was now an open adoption. We would now know Susan’s last name and she would know ours. That was a bit freaky to us, but it was truly the only way the next few days would be bearable. When we got up to her room we were thrown another curve ball….. My aunt was her nurse.

We chatted with Susan and her mom for a while and they gave us tons of gifts for Micayla. Lots of clothes that people had brought and an afghan that someone had made. My sweet aunt came in with the discharge papers and we left one hospital for the other.

We made our way through the maze of streets in Salt Lake. When we got to the hospital Matt and I had to wait in the NICU waiting room while Susan, her mom and caseworker went to work out the logistics of how this all was going to work. You see the NICU rules are such that only family can visit the baby and until Susan signed the adoption papers we were just friends of the family. Only 2 people could be at the bedside at a time and one of them had to a parent, grandparents were also allowed to visit. After a little while they came to get us so that we could talk to one of the doctors – we still didn’t really know what was going on.

The doctor sat with us and explained 4 heart defects that they thought that she had. Thankfully Matt understood a lot more of this than I did. I just wanted to see her. I just wanted to hold her. After the meeting with the doctor they bent the rules for a few minutes and they let 3 of us visit the bedside, Susan, Matt and me.

She was beautiful!! Soft porcelain skin. Pale. Full of wires.

This is her transport bed.

Our first family photo.

To be continued.........................................

Enter this contest today!!

Go over to Veggie Mom and and enter her contest today!! Looks good!

Another Contest at SITS --AND BLOG AWARDS!!!

There is another new contest at The Secret is in the Sauce!! Look at this cute bag!! Go leave a comment and join SITS!!! Tell them that Kaysville Momma sent you!!!

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I also received my first blog award!! Yeah thank you Nicole!! "I gladly accept this award. I want to thank my family and friends for all of their support. I want to thank my agent Jerry McGuire, my back up band Aerosmith for always being there to...." Oh wait that's my speech for another award. OK anyway, thank you Nicole.

OK, here are the rules and remember if you already have the award just accept and that's all you have to do.

1. You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserving of this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also contribute to the blogging community, no matter what language.

2. Each award has to have the name of the author and a link to his/her blog to be visited by everyone.

3. Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that presented her/him with the award.

4. The award winner and one who has given the prize have to show the link "Arte y Pico" blog so everyone will know the origin of this award.

5. Show these rules.

Here is the list of blogs that I want to award, this is in totally random order:

ABCMurrah Family -- Chantel is awesome! She's a great mom, a good friend (yes I do really know her), a great shopper, and if you want some good vinyl work done she's you girl!!

Missy -- This is blog I just recently found and she is great. Her blog is so cute!!

Real Mom Kitchen --- There are some GREAT recipes here. Laura is also a fellow Penny Pincher!!

Ravings of a Mad Housewife -- I found her through SITS and she has a great "How I met my husband" story!! She keeps me on the edge of my seat. Yes I do love a great romance!

Mindless Junque -- Another great story teller!!! Read her story about meeting her husband and things that make her want to bite her toes!!!

Alright there's my five ---

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Here is another GREAT GIVEAWAY!!!! Hurry and enter!!!

Adoption Story --- Part 4

In case you missed anything:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

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“What did you just say?” Tears filled my eyes. He told me that we should expect to get the actual announcement letter/package from Susan this week. Oh my gosh!! My next question, “Can I use your phone?” I had to call Matt. “Oh please oh please let him be at the station and not out on a call.” Trying to contain my tears of joy and the sounds crying I told Matt that he was going to be a daddy. He told that I needed to come to the fire station so we could be together. I went and told our caseworker that I needed to leave. He was surprised that I was still there. Without saying goodbye to anyone else I left the party and drove (probably a little to fast) to the fire station.

That night we made some phone calls to share our good news with our family and close friends. Then we anxiously waited until Friday when we received a call that we had a package at the agency. Matt was again at work but my mom was back in town, we were out shopping and quickly went to the agency where I was given a box. I opened the box and found some baby shoes, a pink bear, a rattle, and a beautiful card announcing that our baby was due in about 10 weeks. There was also something in there that I never expected to have – ultrasound pictures of my baby.

We talked and talked about what to name her. Of course all girls have names picked out for their kids long before they ever have them. But non of the names seemed right. The caseworker told us that Susan had been calling the baby Micayla (although we don't know how she was spelling it) that name just seemed so right!

The next week we had our first of two face-to-face meetings with Susan and her parents. Oh my gosh! I have never so nervous before in my life. I was shaking and my hands were sweating. We walked in the room and there she was. A beautiful woman with a round pregnant belly, pregnant with a baby that was going to be ours. Almost immediately my fears were calmed. We talked to her and her parents for almost 2 hours – although it seems like it was only a few minutes. She told us about her family and her boys. She told us how it was breaking her heart to give this baby up. She had always wanted a girl. She told us about her oldest son and his disabilities. We told her about our family, our traditions, our goals, and how extremely excited we were at the opportunity to be parents. We talked a little bit about VCFS and we felt good about it. They told us that the baby’s heart looked good and that they could tell that she did not have a cleft palate. We still understood that is was still likely that there would be some issues that we would be dealing with.

You know it was bittersweet. It was hard to be so happy while at the same time knowing that she was sad. She was in a way preparing her-self for a loss. Her parents were dealing with the emotions of giving up a grandchild. Here we were these strange people that they were trusting.

I should point out that this was a “closed adoption” we only knew each others first names. We did not exchange last names nor did we know where the others lived. They knew that Matt was a firefighter – but they did not know where.

We decided at the first meeting that we should meet again, but this time we should also meet her sons. So 2 weeks later we met again. Her sons were great! We took them some toy fire trucks and we played with them on the floor. Her oldest son was severely handicapped – but what was so amazing to me was his spirit. We played and visited for a couple of hours.

At the end of the meeting they left and the caseworkers asked us to stay for a few minutes. They wanted to make sure that we were prepared for whatever health issues that Micayla might have. We still felt strongly that whatever was to happen was the way it was supposed to be, putting all of our faith in the Lord and his plan. To us this was no different than if I were pregnant, there is always the chance that something could go wrong.

For the next few weeks we wrote letters back and forth. It was a great opportunity to share with her the things that we were doing to prepare for this little person soon to come.

Her caseworker called us 2 days before Thanksgiving and told us that Susan was being induced on Saturday. The plan was that she would be discharged from the hospital on Monday night and they were going to take Micayla home with them and then bring her to the agency for placement on Tuesday. Sounded good enough to us. We were told that someone would call us when she was born.

Frugal Tip Friday

If you need to see how this works click here. Don't forget to link your post back here. And also don't forget to comment!! You are welcome to use the "Frugal Tip Friday" picture on your blog!!

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Gas prices are still on the rise with no end in sight. My frugal tips for today are all about saving gas. These are things that I am trying to work on too!! The main thing that I have been trying to do is to have "No Drive Days" I have been trying to not drive anywhere at least 2-3 days a week.

• Run errands once a week and use the most efficient route.
• Walk as much as you can.
• Stay home as often as possible.
• Keep tires filled to their proper pressure.
• Don’t suddenly stop or accelerate.
• Carpool.
• Bum a ride with friends and chip in for gas.
• Ride your bike.
• Use a diesel car if you have one.
• Coast when you see a red light ahead, instead of hitting the brakes.
• Use public transportation.
• Try to get by with one car if you have two.
• If you have one car that you only drive a couple of times a week, consider getting rid of it and using cabs.
• Drive your car until it’s old. This works really well when you buy a car that will run for 200,000 miles.
• Keep up on your car’s maintenance.
• Turn your car off at lights.
• Coast when you can.
• Limit city driving.
• Turn off the engine and coast to a stop. (Only do this if you know your car and know what you’re doing. It could be unsafe, depending on the car)
• On a long trip, keep a steady foot.
• Make it a challenge to see how far you can go on a tank of gas.
• Use a discount card to buy gas. (Many grocery stores offer them, as well as Costco).
• Fill up early in the morning when the air is cool, and the gas is dense. You’ll get more gas and less air.
• Fill up when your tank is half empty.
• Shop around for insurance. The rates can vary a lot!

Adoption Story --- Part 3

In case you missed anything:
Part 1
Part 2

Even though we had not been waiting very long the stress of waiting was really taking it's toll. At times we questioned whether or not it was worth it. We discussed the boat...

A hot sunny August day we were on our way down to the Utah Fire Academy. We were stopped for fuel when my cell phone rang. It was the Birth Parent Caseworker from our Agency. I got in the car to talk to her. She told me that there was a baby that she wanted to talk to us about. She told me of a little girl that was due in December. The Birth Mother was divorced and had two little boys, one of which was severely handicapped. She told us about the genetic condition that the Birth Mother, her son, and the unborn baby girl had. She told us that she wanted us to research the disorder, talk to our doctor, and pray about whether or not we wanted to be considered for this baby.

It took me about 20 miles of freeway time before I was able to even talk to Matt about it - I was speechless. I had a strong feeling that this was our baby and that if this was the child that our Heavenly Father had planned for us - there was no way I was going to turn my back on her. Before we even made it home I called the Agency back and told our caseworker that we wanted the Birth Mother to consider us.

When we got home we started researching VelcoCardioFacial Syndrome. Initially we learned that there were 3 main issues that could be attributed to VCFS; heart, palate, and some facial abnormalities. When we dove deeper we found that 1 in every 2,000 people has the chromosomal abnormality of VCFS and that there are were actually 180 different issues that could be resulted from VCFS. We still were not afraid....

But, the weeks started going by and we hadn't heard anything. I started trying to get back to normal - not thinking about this baby every second of every day. Until one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I called our caseworker and left him a message. I told him that I just wondered how Susan was doing, that she was on my mind a lot and I wondered if she had made her decision. I didn't hear back from him, so we just assumed that he had no good news for us.

One evening in October I was co-hosting a Families Supporting Adoption event at our case workers house. Matt was at work. We had made our introductions and every one just started snacking an chatting. Our case worker came and sat by me. Jokingly I told him that I was mad at him because he was avoiding my phone calls. He apologized and told me that in fact he was avoiding me. Susan had made her decision and they were just waiting for her to bring in an announcement letter to give to the family she picked - he said this in a straight mellow tone. Then he told me that she had picked us.

To be continued.......

1930's Wife/Husband Test

I found this quiz to tell you how you would rank as a wife/husband in the 1930's. I scored a 63 which was superior. Take the quiz and then come back and post your score in my comments!!!

63 As a 1930s wife, I am Superior Take the test!

Adoption Story --- Part 2

If you missed anything...... Part 1

Before I go on I thought maybe I should tell you all a little bit about LDS Family Services. It is ran by the LDS Church (Mormon). Adoptive Families must be members of the church in good standing with current Temple Recommends. The fee is 10% of the Adjusted Gross Income for the year prior to placement. Birth Parents & Families do not need to be members of the church. Birth Parents are allowed to choose an adoptive family for their child and communicate with them face to face at least once before the baby is born and then through letters and photos on a schedule that they agree upon, some also choose to have face to face meetings after the child is born. The medical expenses not covered by the Birth Mother's insurance is covered by LDS Family Services. They also over lifetime counseling for the Birth Parents, no matter what their religion.
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We were finished with all of our paperwork and home study on December 21st 2001. Yes I remember the day well. That is the day that our caseworker came to our house and made sure it was a clean, healthy, and safe environment for a child. Then after this we had to wait for about 3 months before we were approved. Several caseworkers have to go over the file and then they meet together to approve couples to adopt.

In February we had our appointment with the Fertility Dr. at the U. After going over tests from both of us we were told that there was pretty much no way that we were going to get pregnant. We were given a couple of choices... 1) Use donor sperm combined with invitro...expensive...chance of me getting pregnant 25% - chance of carrying a baby 30% 2) Proceed with our adoption plan 3) Buy a boat. As much as we loved to water ski and fish, we chose to continue with our adoption plan.

In March 2002 we received a phone call telling us that our adoptive file had been approved. Now our letter and collage would be sent to the 12 agency offices in Utah. The offices all have a giant book full of the hundreds of families waiting to adopt. When a Birth Mom is ready to choose a family their caseworker goes through the book and selects families for her to look at based upon likenesses. Some Birth Mom's look at 2 families others may look at 20 or how ever many it takes until they feel that they have made the right choice. Of course there are no guarantees but we were told the average wait time was 6-18 months.

Over next few months I busied myself by being part of Families Supporting Adoptions. This is a way for families to help each other through this trying process. We had BBQ's and get togethers. I also volunteered a few times at the Agency.

Another thing that happened over the next few months is we received several phone calls about possible babies. Our caseworker called us about a few in other states. He also asked if we would be willing to have our file shown in Chicago, Georgia, and Michigan. He told us that there was a great need for families to adopt African American babies. This is something that we were very open to. After this conversation we were fully expecting to be adopting an African American infant or sibling group. We also received phone calls from friends that, "knew someone whose cousins friends mom" or whatever needed to place a baby. We tried to not get our hopes up.

It was also during this time that we learned the unfortunate truth about how some adoption agencies are basically selling babies. I spoke with an agency, I don't even remember from where that went over pricing of different babies with me. It was so sad to hear that white babies and bi-racial babies were so "expensive" while black babies "cost less". I told them that I wanted to adopt a baby -- not buy a car.

To be continued........